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Showing posts from May, 2016

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc. Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive. Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc. Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive. Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments. By no...
Dumb and Funny Jokes.. The Mystery Kitchen Utensil… My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I 
use it as both. When not in use, it 
is prominently displayed in a 
decorative ceramic utensil caddy 
in my kitchen. The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at 
a rummage sale. It’s a pooper-scooper. Time Zones Are Hard. While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back 
in 20 minutes. The woman asked, 
“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?” ...

President Robert Mugabe's quotes that will make your libs pain.

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                      Robert Mugabe Quotes      Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum & you realise witchcraft is real If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.   Dont fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you cant get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.   South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner   I am still the Hitler of the time. This Hitler has only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for h...

Ospina wanted by Besiktas

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David Ospina is determined to leave Arsenal this summer - and Besiktas are offering him an escape route to Turkey, writes John Cross. Arsenal keeper Ospina, 27, is fed-up of being second choice to Petr Cech and has made it clear that he is set on finding a new club. Chris Brunskill/Getty David Ospina is desperate to leave Arsenal this summer Besiktas wanted the Colombia keeper last summer and are back in the hunt again after sounding out his representatives about a potential £3million deal. Ospina has led pals at Arsenal to believe that he is definitely going and has received several offers with clubs in France watching developments while there has been some interest from Everton. It will mean Arsenal have to find a new keeper to back up and compete with Cech who is the club’s current No.1.

I will quit when Museveni leaves - FDC chief

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Jinja Central Division chairman Mubarak Kirunda.                   Jinja Central Division chairman Mubarak Kirunda (FDC) has said he will only quit his post when President Museveni retires. Mr Kirunda, one of the opposition FDC leaders, says he will use all means available to him to keep winning back his seat as long as Mr Museveni, 72, contests and wins the presidency. “I hear people saying Mubarak has served enough in the Division, therefore, he should go. But I am telling them that I will not surrender this seat when Mr Museveni whom I found in power is still contesting,” Mr Kirunda told the media last Friday soon after he was sworn in to serve a third term as chairman of the division. Mr Kirunda said it does not make sense for him who joined active politics long after Mr Museveni shot his way to power in 1986 to quit when Mr Museveni is st...

Kane tops forwards rankings beyond goals in 2015/16

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Spurs forward tried most shots but Marcus Rashford most clinical of the season. Harry Kane tried the most shots and was among the most accurate shooters Harry Kane pipped Jamie Vardy and Sergio Aguero to the Barclays Golden Boot, but beyond the goals premierleague.com looks more closely at who were the 2015/16 season's top forwards.           The Tottenham Hotspur striker attempted more shots than any player in 2015/16. Kane's 158 shots was well ahead of Sergio Aguero (119), who was closely followed by Romelu Lukaku (118), Jamie Vardy (115) and Odion Ighalo (109). Kane’s willingness to shoot did not affect his range. Sunderland’s Jermain Defoe was the only forward with at least 50 shots to finish the campaign with a better shooting accuracy. Forwards' shooting accuracy  Jermain Defoe  Sunderland  66.1%  Harry Kan...
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I am not a devil worshipper  says Kadaga. .  Reason. Ms Kadaga says she went to Nhyenda Hill in Nakigo Sub-county in Iganga District to inform her ancestors of her triumph in retaining the post of Speaker of Parliament.         The Speaker of Parliament, Ms Rebecca Kadaga, has denied accusations that she practices syncretism and devil worshipping. “I have been severally accused of practicing witchcraft, worshipping evil spirits, syncretism… Nothing could be further from truth,” Ms Kadaga wrote in a statement on Friday afternoon. The statement was precipitated by reactions to a video that showed her visiting the cultural site on Nhyenda Hill in Nakigo Sub-county in Iganga District. After the visit, she said on camera that she had gone there to inform her ancestors of her triumph in retaining the post of Speaker of Parliament. After the video went viral with sections of society accusing h...